Time’s Up or Shut Up?

Now, before i get bashed I wanted to tell you a little story before I go into why I think this way. You see a number of years ago, I was dating this guy, he was horrible I didn’t even tell my parents about it, since we broke up I’ve seen him a handful of times and never have the meetings gone that well. He is the reason I sometimes think i’m aromantic, because words like love seem to make me feel shite.  Going on he abused me sexually, verbally and hit me a couple of times, I never reported him because after we broke up, I confronted him and I have never felt so empowered in my life, i didn’t feel the need to ruin his life because ultimately it was child actions and it made me a better person and I didn’t want to go through questions and a trial.

I was fifteen when it happened, and I was seventeen when I managed to fight back, I am not going to lie I got a little violent but I feel like I had a right, I’ve never heard of him doing anything like he did for me, so maybe he learnt, maybe he got better, but the thing is the hitting he could never explain but the touching me he thought i wanted, I never said no and so he did what he wanted until I pushed him away., unable to read the fact that I had been frozen, maybe I’m too nice or maybe I’m an idiot but he couldn’t know what was going through my mind if i didn’t react to what he was doing. I don’t take much about this situation, I actually to most say I’ve never been abused and don’t understand how drunken woman get in to those situations. This goes in to my first point.

I’ve met four people in my life who have told me they were sexually abused in some way or another, two of the stories contain people who were minors at the time and thus I don’t think it is really something you can get out of unless there are not much in your ages. One i do not know the dealies of it, I wasn’t close to the girl but she was dating a friend of mine and he told me, and was asking for my advice how to deal with someone who has been through that trama, the last was a guy, who had been raped by his girlfriend (Technically Sexual assault as the UK claim woman can’t rape for some bullshite reason) All four of theses people went to the police and reported the crimes, the two minors got the adult behind bars for life, the girl, again I don’t know much about the situation but i don’t believe it was a long prison sentence, as it wasn’t rape. The third, well his girlfriend got four years, because yeah the law is bullshite. So everyone I know has been lucky and has got some sort of justice, so that’s why I have an issue with people who ask for punishment of those they never reporte and would much rather have a jury of the press than a real one.

Moving on, my brother is at university and I didn’t know what sort of guy he was with girls when he started talking to someone about all the sexual assaults which seem to happen at university with a friend of his. He was talking how they were being taken advantage while drunk in nightclubs and the whole this disgusted him, i didn’t say anything, i just stood there thinking how they hell do people get in those situations? Harsh I know. I will tell you what I have never had any unwanted attention from males, if I wanted attention I make myself look like I want attention, short dresses, large cleavage and the over the top laughing while playing with my hair.

My friends always call me a slut because of a moment which happened one time, we walked into a club and I must have been there for less than a minute before this guy came up to me, we talked for about two seconds before making out, naturally i walked away from him the moment the kiss ended to return to my friends, but it’s something which people love to laugh about. I got a reputation of being a bit of a slut, but the thing is whenever I told a guy no, or I don’t want to, or said sorry I’m dating someone, or whatever else, they stopped. While at university I probably slept with around ten people, and probably went home with another five, who I just shared a bed with and did not impose of my personal space. I actually broke down crying one time after having sex because I realised I was just trying to fill a void, but the guy didn’t rape me or sexually assault me, he was unaware of how i was filling until that moment.

They say one in five woman are sexually assaulted in their lives, and I’m part of that one, but they also say once you have been sexually assaulted once, you are more likely to have it again. I was never inporaitly touched, kissed, looked out or whatever else you want to say while at university, no matter how drunk I was, how slutty I looked or how much flirting i did. Did I just pick out the good guys? Was I just lucky? I just find it very hard to believe that in all my drunken nights I have never come across a guy that wish to rape me or whatever else. In fact while at uni, I think I heard a total of six stories about such things. There could have have been more, that remained unreported, I think one of the seix stories turned out to be a lie. I think more people died from drugs and alcohol than were raped while I was at uni.

So my point? I didn’t report my assault because I felt like I got the justice myself, the guy has not done anything since, and the first time we dated (When I was around eighteen) He was pretty close to perfect, the last couple of times I have seen him we were just being childish and engaged rather rude words but he didn’t so much as touch me. I felt like I kicked him in the butt and got him to change with my threats and that was enough for me, as I didn’t want to waste money or a trial that would probably end in probation.

Why I have an issue with this moment, for a number of reasons. The first you have people like Orpha and Merly who clearly knew things like rape and sexual assault were going on and said nothing, and now are being seen as heros as they pretend to take theses men down (Just like to add has anyone actually been arrested yet, or is this CHris Brown all over again?) The second a lot of theses people who have claimed theses attacks, are either up and coming and no one has ever heard of them, or they just jump on credible claims and try to make sure they are apart of this movement. Thirdly, not a single person as been arresset, which means a number of things, theses woman, tens if not hundreds of woman didn’t go to the police. I know that’s hypocritical of me to say that, but as I explained I’m over it and reading some of theses reports theses woman are most certainly not, and the men in question have done it over and over and over again.

The only person who I think has justice out of all theses people? Angelina Jolie, when she told Brad Pitt and he went after Harvey. To me she is the only person that actually did something when she was affected by something so horrible, to me she did the right thing. Yes it wasn’t a report, yes she didn’t publically state it but sometimes justice for yourself is enough and maybe she thought he had stopped after that, maybe she didn’t know the full extent of what he had done. With the amount of people coming out stating stuff had happened I find it strange that no one of the accused is behind bars, and that Hollywood are simply just going through the motions and in a number of years this will be forgotten, look at woody allen.

So in theory the Time’s Up movement is nice, but who’s time is actually up because while looking from the outside I don’t see anyone’s life truly ruined, so they can’t get movies? Well, they have enough money that they don’t ever actually have to work again. You can say Time’s Up but until actually people face the consequences and it’s not just bullshite things like sex rebah and awards being taken away, this movement is completely and utterly pointless and showcases the utmost hypocrisy that lies in Hollywood.

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The Art of Lying

I can’t remember how old I was when I realised that my mother didn’t know when I was lying, but I remember I was at prep school (So age 8-12) as I know by year eight I had figured it out. I can remember lying to my mother, probably about something really dull and boring but I was probably scared that she was going to get angry at me.

I lie a lot, mostly because I get bored, like people really bore me and therefore I lie about really mundane things in order to make myself and the people around me a little more interesting. This is making me look like some sort of crazy person, and maybe I am, but at the end of the day I don’t lie about serious things.

This isn’t meant to be about what I lie about, because frankly most of those lies I can no longer retain, but it’s about how I think I get away with it. Take a game of bluffing, poker, granted I haven’t played in a while so might have lost my touch, I have also never really play seriously so who knows if it’s just my friends being dumb or I am actually get away with it.

I can’t remember how old i was, again I was probably around 12 that I started to do this, as I remember using this trick playing a game while on a ski trip with my school. The game in question was cheat, although sometimes called bullshite, and the art of the game is to lie. It’s a perfect start, however most people, when they lie, have certain things that give them away. Honestly, I have no idea what my tell is, and frankly no one has ever told me what mine is, so who knows if i really have one? However, I have trained myself to produce a tell, I know what you are thinking, why would you want to get caught? The corner of my lip turns up when I lie, though it is something I have forced myself to do, and honestly if my lip turns up I probably want you to think i’m lying, and I am probably not lying. The first few times I’ll be lying, and then it will just be a fifty, fifty chance that I am in fact lying. It’s weird and maybe I am a little bit manipulative, but there is something about the rush that I get when I lie.  I also burst out laughing, again something which probably means that I want you to think i’m lying.

Now I have never lied about anything serious, most of the time it’s like I say I went shopping, and actually went somewhere completely different. I would say they are a little more than white lies, but not by much, I have okay morals and therefore lying about a crime for example is not a route that I would go down. What I am trying to say is that lying is all about is believing what you say, and honestly there is nothing more satisfying than seeing someone believe a rather over the top lie.

I lie a lot, yet if you ask anyone in my life they will call me brutally honest, and frankly that’s true as well. I am the type of person who will say you look crap when you ask my opinion on a new shade of lipstick, I will say if I like the new girl you are dating, if you ask, and every so often I will just blurt out what I am thinking, no matter how cruel it made me, but honestly this just makes it easier to lie. At the end of the day most people like to protect how other’s feel or to get out of trouble, but I lie because I want to seem a little more interesting, as I suffer with boredom. Which some say is a sign of a lack of intelligence, but that is another subject I’ll talk about another time.

Maybe I lie so much because I never forgave my parents about lying about Father Christmas, honestly even though fifteen years has past since I found out (They used the same wrapping paper) I honestly believe it is the root of my lying habits because the two people who you are meant to trust the most lied for the first seven years of my life. My mum also wrote a little note pretending to be the tooth fairy, which is something I am still bitter about.  That’s why I think I lie, and ultimately I lie about so much, in fact you could almost call me a complustory, I told my boyfriend of three years a few months ago that most the stuff I’ve told him is proably bullshite. We haven’t spoken about it since, but we are still together so he must like me for some other reason.

Lying sometimes helps, and sometimes it doesn’t but lying is apart of us all, and it is something which is drilled in to you from a young age, however some people are just better at it, than others.